Anyway, why does Olivia deserve better than Fitz? Because we all deserve better than Fitz. Did you hear me, O Women Of The World? If you are reading these words, you deserve better than Fitz. Unless, that is, you are Mellie, Fitz’s wife, who exactly deserves Fitz, which is part of what makes the show’s central romantic mythology kind of hard to give a hoot about. If Olivia had a lick of sense, she would make the “that’s that” motion with her hands like she’s smacking the dust off, say “ptooey,” and go have sex with someone more worthwhile. Meaning: anyone.

And Fitz and Mellie would go off and have a whole bunch of evil babies and tour the world like the Von Trapp Family Singers, only they would be a troupe of lying, well-dressed hypocrites who would cry and complain instead of singing “So Long, Farewell.”

Because honestly, Fitz is the worst. He is the absolute worst. In case you don’t believe me, I am prepared to present my list of reasons.